-> Complain about the weather and current economical situation
-All this shit about getting kicked out of the house, getting groceries, and cleaning yourself can just back the fuck up. The economy is stupid, and the weather outside is too damn sunny. You decide to HATE those things.
-Congratulations, you have formulated an OPINION! You feel like SHARING IT.
-Also, superimposing your hatred of yourself onto other topics has DECREASED your FRUSTRATION GAUGE by ONE POINT. Your MOOD LEVEL has increased back to SHITTY.
->analyse “opinions”
-OPINIONS are ideas that you can put ONLINE using any INTERNET SOURCE. You form OPINIONS when you LIKE or DISLIKE something to a degree that you feel like IT’S IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO GO ONLINE AND WHINE ABOUT IT. If you DEVELOP your opinions enough, they’ll get a certain amount of INTERNET RESPECT from the INTERNET DENIZENS. These points of INTERNET RESPECT add to your CONFIDENCE STATUS and assist in CHARISMA-based SKILL CHECKS (such as INFLUENCE or CHARM). If you collect enough INTERNET RESPECT, you can earn the FEAT, INTERNET FAMOUS, which permanently adds THREE to all your CHARISMA related actions.
->charm self
-You try to roll a CHARM SKILL CHECK, however, you have no DICE, so that is IMPOSSIBLE. You point and wink in front of you, hoping that might make you feel better. It doesn’t.
->charm door to bedroom
-You spin around to point and wink at your bedroom door. Since you have no DICE, it is automatically assumed that you rolled a ZERO. The door is unwavered by your feeble attempts.
->influence door to bedroom
-You start listing off things that you’ve always wanted to point out to your bedroom door. You try your best to be constructive and inspiring, but you fumble over your words and leave the conversation hanging awkwardly. The bedroom door does not pay heed to your words of wisdom.
-You seem to be dicking around with your SKILL CHECKS. Your PERSONALITY slips one point towards INSUFFERABLE GOOFBALL.
->go to bathroom
-You decide to stop drunkenly swinging your laughable CHARISMA around and head down the hall toward the bathroom. You arrive with little fanfare.
-The bathroom is painted blue. It is small and has a TOILET and SHOWER. There’s also a SINK squeezed in there.
->take a shower
-You step into the tub, but nothing happens.
->what
-I’m sorry, I don’t understand that sentence.
->analyse situation
-You have found your way to the BATHROOM, presumably to do something about your HYGIENE. You are currently standing in the middle of your tub wearing underwear.
->take off underwear
-You slip off your uncomfortable briefs. you now have UNDERWEAR in your RIGHT HAND.
->throw underwear at bathroom door
-You let loose an almighty lunge from your right hand. The briefs knock against the door with a faint slapping noise and sink to the tiled floor.
->say “fuck yes!”
-No one hears your words and you feel a little lonely.
->fist pump like a boss
-Your rad fist pumping contributes nothing to society.
->turn on shower
-You spend TWO MOTIVATION POINTS to turn on the shower. The shower is on. It’s spraying water everywhere and generally making a wet mess of your bathroom. Also, it is COLD AS FUCK. You refuse to get clean in water this cold.
-You now have ONE MOTIVATION POINTS.
->close drapes
-I’m sorry, what’s a “drapes”?
->close shower thing
-I’m sorry, I don’t understand you.
->close shower curtains
-The shower is no longer making a huge mess. You are freezing, and one day they will write books about how erect your nipples are right now.
->write a book about how erect your nipples are right now
-You have nothing with which you can write a book!
->make water warmer
-I’m sorry, I don’t understand you
->fuck, I don’t know, just make the water warmer
-I’m still not getting what you’re saying. Are you sure it’s English?
->hint
-You need to find a way to make the water warmer.
->FUCK YOU
-Whoa buddy, take a deep breath.
-If you are so mad, why not quit and try again later?
->hint
-Perhaps there’s something on the shower you can manipulate to make the water warmer.
->analyse shower
-The shower is nothing special. Just a tin can with holes in it above your head that spits water at you. Below are two NOZZELS, one labeled H and one labeled C. The NOZZLE labeled C is currently ON.
->Turn on nozzle H
-Not too hot, not too cold, you’ve found the perfect water temperature.
-You proceed to get CLEAN. We could make you fumble around with SOAP and SHAMPOO or something, but we think you get the gist of the INVENTORY at this point. So we’ll just skip that and pretend you can manage to take a fine shower without a hitch.
-Now that you’re all clean, your HYGIENE jumps from -3 to 2. You feel fresh.
-Your mood has increased from SHITTY to IRRITABLE
-You switch off the shower.
->charm shower
-You point and wink at the water nozzle as if to say, “thanks shower thing for being a bro and helping me get cleaner”. Since you have no DICE, it is automatically assumed that you rolled a ZERO. Your efforts come off as forced and kind of rub the SHOWER the wrong way. You have lost 3 FRIENDSHIP POINTS with the SHOWER. You feel like a DICK.
->dry off
-Good idea. You can’t go outside wet! People might notice how wet you are and think you’re weird. However, there is no towel in this bathroom. Bad foresight on your part.
-At this point, you can either wait FIFTEEN TURNS to shake yourself dry or try to find another way to dry yourself off.
->run to bedroom
-You run; wet flailing and naked back to your BEDROOM.
-You room didn’t become any less boring while you were gone. There’s still a LAPTOP, a BED, and a DRESSER/DRAWER thing. There is a CLOSET full of dirty clothes to your RIGHT. On the floor in front of you lies your CELL PHONE and your WALLET.
-You’re also kind of getting everything wet.
->charm wallet
-You point and wink at your wallet, pursing your lips enough to let out a slight whistle. You roll a ZERO on your CHARM SKILL CHECK due to not having any DICE, so you predictably fuck it up and also let loose a horridly inappropriate slur by accident.
-“Nothing but a Duct Tape Bastard what can’t hold no cash”
-You slap your hand over your mouth, but it’s too late.
-However, you and your WALLET go way back, so its opinion of you is unchanged.
->open closet door and dry off with dirty clothes
-That’s some smart thinking! You reach your hand into the pile of clothes and dig out a plaid shirt you hate and some jeans you’ve worn for about a week without washing. Neither are very absorbent, but after a minute or two you’re down to a relatively dry level.
-However, drying off with DIRTY CLOTHES has reduced your HYGIENE from FRESH (2) to PRESENTABLE (1).
-Now what will you do?
-[PLEASE INSERT AN INPUT BY CLICKING AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS MESSAGE
-All this shit about getting kicked out of the house, getting groceries, and cleaning yourself can just back the fuck up. The economy is stupid, and the weather outside is too damn sunny. You decide to HATE those things.
-Congratulations, you have formulated an OPINION! You feel like SHARING IT.
-Also, superimposing your hatred of yourself onto other topics has DECREASED your FRUSTRATION GAUGE by ONE POINT. Your MOOD LEVEL has increased back to SHITTY.
->analyse “opinions”
-OPINIONS are ideas that you can put ONLINE using any INTERNET SOURCE. You form OPINIONS when you LIKE or DISLIKE something to a degree that you feel like IT’S IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO GO ONLINE AND WHINE ABOUT IT. If you DEVELOP your opinions enough, they’ll get a certain amount of INTERNET RESPECT from the INTERNET DENIZENS. These points of INTERNET RESPECT add to your CONFIDENCE STATUS and assist in CHARISMA-based SKILL CHECKS (such as INFLUENCE or CHARM). If you collect enough INTERNET RESPECT, you can earn the FEAT, INTERNET FAMOUS, which permanently adds THREE to all your CHARISMA related actions.
->charm self
-You try to roll a CHARM SKILL CHECK, however, you have no DICE, so that is IMPOSSIBLE. You point and wink in front of you, hoping that might make you feel better. It doesn’t.
->charm door to bedroom
-You spin around to point and wink at your bedroom door. Since you have no DICE, it is automatically assumed that you rolled a ZERO. The door is unwavered by your feeble attempts.
->influence door to bedroom
-You start listing off things that you’ve always wanted to point out to your bedroom door. You try your best to be constructive and inspiring, but you fumble over your words and leave the conversation hanging awkwardly. The bedroom door does not pay heed to your words of wisdom.
-You seem to be dicking around with your SKILL CHECKS. Your PERSONALITY slips one point towards INSUFFERABLE GOOFBALL.
->go to bathroom
-You decide to stop drunkenly swinging your laughable CHARISMA around and head down the hall toward the bathroom. You arrive with little fanfare.
-The bathroom is painted blue. It is small and has a TOILET and SHOWER. There’s also a SINK squeezed in there.
->take a shower
-You step into the tub, but nothing happens.
->what
-I’m sorry, I don’t understand that sentence.
->analyse situation
-You have found your way to the BATHROOM, presumably to do something about your HYGIENE. You are currently standing in the middle of your tub wearing underwear.
->take off underwear
-You slip off your uncomfortable briefs. you now have UNDERWEAR in your RIGHT HAND.
->throw underwear at bathroom door
-You let loose an almighty lunge from your right hand. The briefs knock against the door with a faint slapping noise and sink to the tiled floor.
->say “fuck yes!”
-No one hears your words and you feel a little lonely.
->fist pump like a boss
-Your rad fist pumping contributes nothing to society.
->turn on shower
-You spend TWO MOTIVATION POINTS to turn on the shower. The shower is on. It’s spraying water everywhere and generally making a wet mess of your bathroom. Also, it is COLD AS FUCK. You refuse to get clean in water this cold.
-You now have ONE MOTIVATION POINTS.
->close drapes
-I’m sorry, what’s a “drapes”?
->close shower thing
-I’m sorry, I don’t understand you.
->close shower curtains
-The shower is no longer making a huge mess. You are freezing, and one day they will write books about how erect your nipples are right now.
->write a book about how erect your nipples are right now
-You have nothing with which you can write a book!
->make water warmer
-I’m sorry, I don’t understand you
->fuck, I don’t know, just make the water warmer
-I’m still not getting what you’re saying. Are you sure it’s English?
->hint
-You need to find a way to make the water warmer.
->FUCK YOU
-Whoa buddy, take a deep breath.
-If you are so mad, why not quit and try again later?
->hint
-Perhaps there’s something on the shower you can manipulate to make the water warmer.
->analyse shower
-The shower is nothing special. Just a tin can with holes in it above your head that spits water at you. Below are two NOZZELS, one labeled H and one labeled C. The NOZZLE labeled C is currently ON.
->Turn on nozzle H
-Not too hot, not too cold, you’ve found the perfect water temperature.
-You proceed to get CLEAN. We could make you fumble around with SOAP and SHAMPOO or something, but we think you get the gist of the INVENTORY at this point. So we’ll just skip that and pretend you can manage to take a fine shower without a hitch.
-Now that you’re all clean, your HYGIENE jumps from -3 to 2. You feel fresh.
-Your mood has increased from SHITTY to IRRITABLE
-You switch off the shower.
->charm shower
-You point and wink at the water nozzle as if to say, “thanks shower thing for being a bro and helping me get cleaner”. Since you have no DICE, it is automatically assumed that you rolled a ZERO. Your efforts come off as forced and kind of rub the SHOWER the wrong way. You have lost 3 FRIENDSHIP POINTS with the SHOWER. You feel like a DICK.
->dry off
-Good idea. You can’t go outside wet! People might notice how wet you are and think you’re weird. However, there is no towel in this bathroom. Bad foresight on your part.
-At this point, you can either wait FIFTEEN TURNS to shake yourself dry or try to find another way to dry yourself off.
->run to bedroom
-You run; wet flailing and naked back to your BEDROOM.
-You room didn’t become any less boring while you were gone. There’s still a LAPTOP, a BED, and a DRESSER/DRAWER thing. There is a CLOSET full of dirty clothes to your RIGHT. On the floor in front of you lies your CELL PHONE and your WALLET.
-You’re also kind of getting everything wet.
->charm wallet
-You point and wink at your wallet, pursing your lips enough to let out a slight whistle. You roll a ZERO on your CHARM SKILL CHECK due to not having any DICE, so you predictably fuck it up and also let loose a horridly inappropriate slur by accident.
-“Nothing but a Duct Tape Bastard what can’t hold no cash”
-You slap your hand over your mouth, but it’s too late.
-However, you and your WALLET go way back, so its opinion of you is unchanged.
->open closet door and dry off with dirty clothes
-That’s some smart thinking! You reach your hand into the pile of clothes and dig out a plaid shirt you hate and some jeans you’ve worn for about a week without washing. Neither are very absorbent, but after a minute or two you’re down to a relatively dry level.
-However, drying off with DIRTY CLOTHES has reduced your HYGIENE from FRESH (2) to PRESENTABLE (1).
-Now what will you do?
-[PLEASE INSERT AN INPUT BY CLICKING AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS MESSAGE
->look for something unusual
ReplyDelete-> grab clean clothes
ReplyDelete